December 2nd

He hated women though he refused to admit it. In his mind, he didn’t hate women, he hated “sluts” and “whores” and women who committed miscegenation or rejected him. Or if they just seemed too happy. He didn’t think women shouldn’t be happy, it was simply that he was not happy so why were these women happier than him. He would rather not get into the question of whether or not he believed that he, as a man, deserved some sort of priority over women on being happy because that sounded too explicitly sexist. It was simply that he was entitled to happiness and since he was failing to achieve it, why were these women succeeding? If one were to believe the liberal hysteria, these women had less “privilege” than him so they shouldn’t be happier than him - if they were not treated equally to him. They were the ones saying this, not him.

As for whether or not he hated other races, that was a little bit simpler. “Hate” was a strong word. He’d prefer just not to think about them. Hating them was thinking about them. Out of sight, out of mind. But since they weren’t out of sight, the least they could do is stop stealing white women from him. While he didn’t believe that people of other races had less “privilege” like the liberals said, he did believe that they were missing something. It wasn’t explicitly obvious, but he knew that, hierarchically-speaking, he was above them. And that is why it infuriated him that women were dating these men instead of him. And receiving some false sense of happiness from being in a relationship with inferior men.

He was not, and this is important, one of those crazy racists on the internet. He wasn’t on Reddit discussing these ideas. He wasn’t harassing people on Twitter. He certainly wasn’t on Stormfront or anything like that. People occasionally would try to mock him for being a fan of Ben Shapiro or some other “alt right” YouTube star and while he’d seen some videos by a few of them, he was proud to say he came to these conclusions entirely by himself. People, when he’d say something that hinted at his views, would have the idea in their head that he’d been “converted” or “radicalized” by online political commentators, but that was not the case. He may not have always had these exact opinions, but as far back as he could remember, he had felt upset at girls ignoring him for his non-white classmates.

The people who used to be blissfully unaware of the underlying implications of their interactions through out the day, who believed in all that happy-go-lucky color-blind garbage, and then became “redpilled” by some stranger on the internet were, frankly, dweebs. If his hand was forced, he’d admit it was a net positive to have more people believing what he believed - or something similar - but he also didn’t trust them to be “true believers.” It was a flavor of the week for many of them. Soon they’d be focused on some other thing while the white population shrank as a result of women throwing themselves at the wrong men. He would still care when Jordan Peterson was either too old to be “cool” anymore or maybe just dead because he was already pretty old.

NOTE TO SELF: start writing a little earlier instead of at midnight, right after you think of how nice it would be to go to bed “early”. On a more serious note, next writing: write something third person, but not like this where it’s all subjective and skews toward the character’s point of view. Also, try to hit the ground running on a story on one of the next few of these. It’s obviously easy to bullshit and write words in the way that you have been, but nothing happens and then you get sick of writing and want to wrap it up when there has been no action. Also maybe try writing a character you like so you don’t want to just kill them to end it. It’s a lot, but things to think about as you write 29 more of these. This is definitely not going to be a short story every night it looks like. That would be ideal. But it can be like that Kharms advice goes: write something every day even if it’s to write down that you wrote nothing or however it goes. Good habit to build in the last month of the year so then I can do New Year’s resolution bullshit about writing every day. And now look at how many words I wasted on this note to myself that I could have focused on getting a little more CREATIVE writing down for the night. Oh well. Time management some day hopefully.