December 16th

F TW was the song of the Summer here in beautiful Portland, Oregon. Even those not singing it couldn’t deny it was a catchy tune. W began the year by being left by his wife. Then, he found himself chastising residents for looting shortly after George Floyd was killed, insisting that they had forced him to leave his dying mother’s side. It’s unclear why he needed to return since he promptly did nothing. After a few months, he brought himself to finally attend a protest and intentionally got tear gassed by federal agents for a photo op. He got himself in some of that sweet, sweet national liberal media air time. He nearly managed to win re-election during the primaries, but, failing to do so, he proceeded to break campaign finance laws to win himself re-election in the general.

Shortly thereafter, W began threatening people trying to stop with an eviction with as much force as necessary, but was forced to do a 180 when they managed to raise enough money to buy back the house for the family. In that time, he swept a homeless camp knowing that people could not be in two places at once. But the thing about T W is that he can occupy two completely different places at the same time. He is anti-racism, but chastises anyone calling out racism. He is concerned about people losing their homes while ensuring people are properly evicted. He is an environmentalist who won’t go any further than the businesses that fund him will let him. In short, he is a liberal.